Alone
by Roland Deschain
Summary: Shinji wants someone to love him. The Hedgehog's Dilemma.


it was a cold cold night. and he was a cold cold boy. So lonely, so unwanted, so sad. He laid there starring up an a familiar ceiling. The SDAT player finished it's sad, lonely song, and then played it again. that song was Stairway to Heaven symphonic version, a song that was old long before second impact. and that boy was Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion unit 01. So he laid there thinking......thinking  
  
I think I had a dream, a dream of being alone.  
I wanted someone-anyone, beside me.  
so I didn't have to feel alone anymore  
then I woke up a d realized that dream is my life...  
I pilot Eva, why do I pilot Eva.  
I live, why do I go on living.  
It is the hedgehog's dilemma  
no one love's me, no one can love me, I don't let them love me.  
I am Shinji Ikari, Pilot of Eva unit 1, and I am alone.  
  
Then there was a flash of light, and she walked into the room.  
My heart missed a beat, maybe she is the answer to my prayers.  
Maybe she will save me from this loneliness.  
But she just walked through, into the bathroom.  
  
Damn, now I am here, alone again, how foolish, god would not answer my prayers, I'm the one who kills his messengers...  
  
Then the other door opened, and she walked into my life again.  
She is so beautiful, I wish she were mine.  
But this time she did not walk out, she walked over to my pallet.  
And she laid down next to me, half asleep.  
she mumbles so cold, and then snuggles up to me.  
  
I look at her face, so gorgeous in the moonlight, so stunning.  
she looks like a goddess, her fiery red hair shining in the moonlight, Ohh how I wish I could reach out and touch her.  
but that would destroy what little I have, but still....  
I look down at her lips as she sleeps.  
They are wet and plump, inviting for the touch.  
  
I work up my courage, and resolutely decide that I will go for it.  
I slowly lean in to kiss her, my lips are meerly inches away.  
Now they are nearly touching, my heart burns with anticipation.  
But then she moans," Ohh Kaji" in her sleep  
  
My heart is torn out and crushed  
Asuka loves another, I am still alone.  
  
  
I go back to sleep, hoping for those pleasant dreams that will carry me....  
into happiness, but they never come.  
I am still alone, I am still so very very lonely.  
Every time I come out of my shell for a moment, It is bitten  
I go back into my shell, it is the hedgehog's dilemma.  
  
I go days, then weeks, and still no one.  
but then there is once again hope.  
  
I knock on the door, expecting no answer  
so I walk in, looking at the dismal surroundings  
I see blood soaked bandages and broken walls  
Maybe this one will be able to return my love.  
  
I walk into the one room apartment  
I see her almost immediately, she is so fair and pure  
she is laying on her bed, looking at her own familiar ceiling.  
I tread lightly to her bed, not wishing to disturb her.  
  
As I near her, she turns around to face me, her blue hair radiating in my eye.  
I tell her many things.  
I tell her about my hatred for my father  
I tell her about my fear  
I tell her of my sadness  
she listens to my words, and she smiles almost comfortingly  
  
I get my hopes up thinking, perhaps this one will be able to love me  
perhaps I will let her love me....  
  
lastly I tell her of my longing for another  
She looks at me questionably  
then she tells me  
she tells me that she cannot return my love  
Rei says that I will have to find someone else.  
  
Again I have had my hopes dashed  
Again I find myself alone  
Again I find myself needing someone--anyone  
it is the hedgehog's dilemma  
They hurt each other when they try to connect   
they always get hurt...  
  
months pass and still I am alone, still I am unwanted  
Finally I turn to my last hope.  
  
I open her door, not even expecting a chance.  
She is so perfect, and I am so worthless.  
I look into her eyes, hoping against hope  
I tell her  
I tell her that I am alone, I tell her that I am nothing  
I tell her that I am worthless, I tell her that I'm lonely  
  
this one will not care  
this one will ignore me like the rest  
she will not love me  
it's a long shot, but I might as well try.  
  
I tell her that I want someone beside me, so I won't have to feel alone anymore.  
  
She hugs me close to her, and comforts my fears.  
she whispers in my ear, that I don't have to be alone  
she tell me I just need to take another chance.  
I take that chance.  
  
I pin her down onto her bed  
kissing her with a desperate abandon  
knowing that this is my last chance...........for love  
  
I kiss her with a passion unbridled,   
searching, seeing into her very soul, while allowing her to see into mine.  
a torrent of emotions are released as I slip my tongue into her mouth  
I kiss her for all I am worth  
  
but then I break down, crying bitterly  
she consoles me, kissing me with a caring embrace  
she lightly caresses my face, as she kisses away my tears.....and my fears  
  
We slowly, passionately explored the other's body.  
we loved as only true lovers can.  
I lift myself above her  
and ask her if this is what she wants  
she says yes it is all she has ever wanted, Ohh how my heart thumps in triumph  
  
I slowly entered her as the sensations overwhelmed me  
for once I felt truly happy.  
I slowly pushed in and pulled out, wanting this moment to last forever.  
She pumps her hips in motion with my slow ministrations  
  
For what seems like hours we felt each other  
and loved each other  
oh sensations so great I cannot even describe them enter me.  
I feel wanted  
I feel loved  
  
finally I felt an explosion of physical pleasure, spilling my seed into her.  
She also comes to orgasm, writhing in pleasure  
we lay there basking in the afterglow.  
we kiss softly and fall asleep in each other's arms  
  
I am not alone anymore  
I have someone now  
she drives away my fears, she keeps me from feeling alone  
thank you my love  
  
The Hedgehog's Dilemma can be solved.  
  
I love you Misato 


End file.
